Rain creates verbal spillage

Sometimes a rainy day can be the best day to get inspired. Lately, I have been asking myself all the hard-hitting questions: such as am I Happy? Is this all I have to look forward too? What is next on my life agenda? You know, all the stuff that you usually do not have time to contemplate because you are too busy handling life to question life. Well, the rain brought about a time to pause and somewhere around sitting in never-ending traffic to hovering over the keyboard in my cubicle, I decided to tackle these stubborn questions. First off, the happiness thing happens in spurts. I am not continuously happy; however, there are times when I am full of zest and vibe. I think my reasons for being unhappy are the parameters I use to benchmark my happiness. Like, for instance… my career is not exactly where I want it to be. Actually, I had envisioned myself far more ahead of the game at this stage in my life. Yet, in spite of my visioning, I am sitting here not fully cashing in on that Masters Degree I earned. All the while though I lay in bed wondering how in the world I am going to pay off that incredible amount of debt I acquired while in pursuit of the education. Pre-deferment it all seemed like a great idea. Although, while in payment status I am full of doubts. On to wondering what I have to look forward to…I wish I had a psychic eye on this one. The routines of my days have seemed to stifle my energy. I have become complacent out of fear of charging off on new territory. With the economy in such a bad state, it seems foolish to jump ship from stable employment. Still, I dare to dream that my big book deal is lurking around the corner awaiting my lackadaisical spirit to pounce on it and make it happen! In addition, oh yes, my life agenda. Lately, I have had a case of sameness day in and day out. It has been chauffer the kids, assistant to my boss, attend to the tons of clothes that one adult, one teenager, and one elementary school child can accumulate. Sit in my favorite pew on Sunday morning, cook dinner, occasionally play the lottery in hopes of winning some big money pot to make all my debt nightmares go away, and part-time free lance writing gigs- which I have not had much heart in putting out this year. Hmmm… all this verbal spillage due to the rain. Let us hope for some nice pretty weather tomorrow.